Midlife Snap, Crackle & Pop…Mystery Pains

Sarah Milken

Hey peeps, welcome to the flexible neurotic podcast. I'm your host Dr. Sarah Milken. Yeah, you heard that right. I'm a real PhD doctor. Long, long ago like last fucking year. I was sitting in the midlife pump wondering, was this it for me? That day I realized I needed to get off my ass and start my midlife remix. I dusted off my PhD, wipe the menopause, sweat off my forehead, grabbed my golden shit shovel and started digging deep to all my midlife pitches. It's not just luck, coffee and hormones that get you through your midlife remix. It's action steps. Let's do this. Hi, peeps. I'm Dr. Sarah Milken and welcome back to the flexible neurotic podcast. This is the midlife golden shit shovel clusterfuck series. In the last two minisodes we chatted about my restorative family trip to Hawaii, where on day two, I flipped over a bike broke her wrist rib and shoulder blade almost divorced my husband when he thought we needed to stay longer in Hawaii because I couldn't fly and wanting to switch hotels to save money when he had just bought one of his midlife crisis cars that sits parked in a remote garage. But yes, let's save money and I can't even fucking move. If you haven't listened to that episode, you must go back after this. It's a real fuckin keeper. Then the third minisode is where I discuss my month long vagina bleed hormone Hell, where I changed my underwear three times a day, moved houses after 18 years and took three teenage boys and my 15 year old daughter to Utah for Christmas skiing with no fucking snow. And my husband was at home moving and I changed birth control pills per the last mini episode, increase my thyroid meds and I started an iron supplement because In and Out Burger wasn't moving the iron number needle so the doctors like Sarah you need an iron supplement. I'm like, Yeah, but doesn't it constipate you and they said that if I took one that had vitamin C in it, I've no idea why vitamin C like D clogs your shit, but whatever. So that's what I've been doing.

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Let's see. Other than that, I'm totally good. I'm rocking the midlife shed, the perfect midlife scene is happening over here. Yep. The purpose of all of this TMI. And the quick review of the last two minisodes is to say that if something doesn't feel right, like bleeding buckets for days, get off your fucking ass and go to the doctor. You guys, honestly, it's so annoying to go to the doctor, believe me, I know my doctor doesn't take insurance, you're definitely going to get lost trying to find your car in the parking structure. I mean, honestly, every time I go, I think I have dementia, I take a picture of where I'm parked. But for some reason this office has like an East Wing and a West Wing. And then the elevator like tee shoe to like the third floor, which is like the walking level. But like it doesn't connect in the garage. I mean, honestly, I don't even know how I get to my car each time. But I will tell you that one time when I was pregnant, I went to an OB appointment, Jeremy couldn't come and my mom took me. I swear I was eight months pregnant. And Jake was born in August, it was like July. And we both could not find the car that I literally sat down on the ground in the parking structure until the guy in the little like golf cart came by and we drove around looking for my car because I was pregnant and apparently had dementia at that point too. Anyway. And the other fun part about going to doctors offices is you know is they ask you like 10,000 questions regarding COVID Oh, yeah, I have 104 Fever. I've been coughing for fucking five days, but I'm coming to your office to infect everyone. What the fuck, of course, I don't have COVID. And of course, it wasn't exposed to anyone, whatever. Okay, so the other concept I want to just quickly bring up is once you get to the doctor, don't always take that first opinion, because a second opinion is super helpful to especially when you're dealing with like hormones and frozen shoulders and all these things where there's so many different opinions out there. I mean, honestly, I was just reading the other day Tony Robbins had some statistic where like, 70% of people get a different opinion from their second opinion than their first opinion. I'm not even kidding. He talks about his new book called Life Force. I'm in the middle of that book. It's so fucking long. I mean, honestly, like I think I have to take like ADHD medication or something to get through like 350 page book, but whatever we're doing, like 20 pages a day I'll be finished by the time I'm 50 But anyway, so in the UP

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coming episodes we're going to talk about that lifeforce book because there's a lot of really cool information but for now we're just gonna stick with if you're not feeling great, get dressed to the doctor. Remember where you're parked, get a second opinion. Or if you're like my mom, get five fucking opinions. Don't listen to any of them, and wait for the opinion that you like the most. That's the easiest on your life. That doesn't help. That's my mom. Okay, so to the point of this minisode this is going to be a deep dive into my shoulder saga. If you guys have been following along on Instagram, you know that I had a major shoulder clusterfuck right after my month long bleed. So I wake up at home in LA after my relaxing solo trip Saans husband, with four high schoolers to Utah and a rental condo with a stranger's pubic hair in the shower. Not joking. If you didn't hear the month long bleed episode, and you want the update on the pubic hair in the shower, go back to that one. It's awesome. Okay, so my husband stayed home from Utah for that trip because we sold our original house of 18 years in four hours with a two week escrow and he was sick. But I still think he had a better gig than I did because I was with four high school teens in Utah. And skiing is just not my jam, but whatever. Okay, so this is what happens. I wake up, I can't move my right arm or shoulder, of course, that I think like, oh, it's the bike injury shoulder like from the Hawaii trip. No, it was the left shoulder. And what the fuck, I hadn't done anything I hadn't even worked out because of my month long bleed. So it wasn't from a workout sleeping in your arm doesn't paralyze your arm and shoulder to the point where you can't move at all. It was like fried, toasted, done exploded, someone had paralyzed my shoulder. And I could barely move my hand or lift my arm like even an inch. Okay, so the first day I didn't do anything other than like, wonder what was wrong with me and take Motrin and nothing was helping. Of course, I've mentioned it to my husband Jeremy like nine times or like 900 times. And like he said, all the obligatory things like, I'm so sorry, you're in pain, like a Ha, like, that's really fucking helpful. But he's probably thinking like, Oh, this is just another female wife ailment that happens in midlife. Anyway, let me tell you something about my husband, my brilliant husband first smart as he is with his Ivy League education and business acumen and personal success. He does not seek professional medical help. He asked like we live in the 1800s. And you should just rest. And if you rest and you don't get better, then you just die, you die. I'm a Solutions person. On the other hand, I don't just like grin and bear it and see if I die. And I'm not a hypochondriac either. But I feel like if I have the fucking flu, I want to get a flu test to see if I have the flu. So then I can take Tamiflu and I can get back to my normal life. Or as my husband is like, let me take Tylenol and sleep for four days, and just hope for the best. So this is a major marital battle for us because my teenagers are 17 and 15. They're not sick that much but like once in a while they are and according to my husband, they're fine. They're totally fine. My son can have 104 Fever tonsillitis, he's totally fine. Then we end up in like in ER and I'm screaming at him like what the fuck? Why are you listening? Bla bla bla. What's interesting about it, it's not like a lazy thing. It's not like he's like the least lazy person on the planet. I mean, like, he'll spend two fucking weeks figuring out why the brightness on the TV is like off by 1% and I can't even tell. So it's just like he lives in the stone age's. Okay, so back to the shoulder. I went to the orthopedist. He says, you need an X ray. I say great. How many? Because again, I don't mind X rays and test because I'm just like, the more information you have, the better. Okay, so the X ray comes back. He says you have a calcified glacier pick in your shoulder. So basically, there's like an iceberg of calcification in my shoulder. I was like, Oh, that's cute and charming. So basically, I have an old lady disease. And he was like, Yeah. And I was like, that's cool. That's fun. And then he says, I think you have frozen shoulder and I'm like, Oh, I've actually heard of that. But what is it exactly? He says, Well, if you've had some kind of huge hormone disruption, or you recently became diabetic or had some kind of big health thing, has anything been out of the ordinary and I was like, Gee, that's so funny that you say that, because I just had a month long vagina bleed and had it

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I'm off my birth control pills so that I could be tested for hormones because you can't be tested for hormones while you're on birth control pills. Then I had to go on progesterone for 10 days to make the bleeding stop. But yeah, no, I haven't had a hormonal event and just kidding. Anyway, so he was telling me about that. And then I was like, okay, but you understand that, like, I'm not leaving here without a cortisone injection. I mean, I know I've never had one but like, I know that I'd need one, ASAP. I don't care about needles bring on the pain. I get Botox all day long. I'm totally good with needles. So he's like, fine, but he says if I give it to you, it could take up to five days to work to actually like feel the pain free element of cortisone, or it could just not work at all. And I was like, okay, whatever, Try me. So, in the midst of all this, I get the injection I call my gynecologist who's been managing my month long bleed. And she's like, Sarah, you have fuckin frozen shoulder. Again, it's the midlife issue that can be caused by a huge hormone event or health event. I'm like, oh, like bleeding for a month. Lol. Okay, so the cortisone shot doesn't ever kick in. I'm on day five. It's now Sunday. I'm in the worst mood. I can't fucking move my arm. And I'm like, Is this my new level of existence? I call the orthopaedists. office again, I check their website, and they have someone who will come meet me at the office for an insane price. It was less than 1000. But more than 250 lol but whatever. Anyway, so my husband is like, wow, that sounds expensive. And I look at him and I'm like, you fucking bought a TV for every single room in this house that we just moved into. I don't even watch TV. I watch it like twice a year, and my shoulders paralyzed and you care about how much I'm paying to go see another doctor today. Like, honestly go fuck yourself. Anyway, I'm making my husband sound so cheap. He's actually the least cheap person on the planet. But there's nothing about, like medical stuff that like literally makes him crazy. I try to hide my Botox pills and pills just getting all the time but I can never hide them because we all see each other shit. So anyway, and I'm like, Okay, so I'm going to this orthopedist office again now and you're going to drive me because I want you to hear that I'm not crazy. So we get to the doctor's office and the guy is like gods here. This is really bad. And he pulls out the ultrasound machine and he pinpoints in exact area, he nails it with another cortisone injection. And honestly, within five hours, I'm like, a new fucking person. Like, I can't even explain it to you. I was like, cured, but I wasn't like trying to get too excited because I was like, that just seemed, how could that be plausible or possible? But anyway, so I texted him, I thanked him and he said, you know, Sarah, you should really think about doing some of the other therapies as well. Just to like, make sure that you keep it in check. Make sure you don't get it in the other shoulder and I'm like, okay, okay, okay. Okay, I'll do it. So you refers me to another guy in his office who does this laser treatment. And if you're following my Instagram, you probably saw it. If you didn't see it, I think if you like go into my midlife highlights or something, it's in there. So I do this for days of this like red hot laser treatment. And he ends up being someone's brother in law, like from my Instagram. So I get this message, a DM from a woman and she's like, Oh my God, that's so funny. He's my brother in law. Just that's like a random side note. Super funny. Okay, then, I had posted videos with the orthopedist, the Sunday one, the one that actually worked doing the cortisone and I get all these messages like, Oh my God, he's my neighbor. He's so hot lol and of course, I'm laughing. I'm like, I don't care if he's hot or not like he fixed my fucking shoulder. I went to the chiropractor. I'm not sure what that did just because the injection had already kicked in. I had already had the laser treatments. But I mean, who knows? It didn't even matter. I was just trying to throw everything in the kitchen sink at it. And then I was like, Oh, my last thing is physical therapy. I don't know why I dread physical therapy. I feel like it gets a bad rap. But it's like, it's so annoying to have to have one or two more appointments a week and they're like, do all these exercises and you're like I can barely do lunges to keep my ass together. I can't do Shoulder Circles anyway. I get the physical therapist, she turns out to be amazing. She wasn't like do the Shoulder Circles. She did these like really deep myofascial release. I don't even know how you fucking say that, where she like digs deep into my armpits to release these trigger points. And I actually had her do both shoulders because of the fucking bike accident on the other shoulder. And then she like makes you take like this broomstick like slash dowel like a wooden bar.

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She makes you do these like weird movements that looks like you're gonna like throw a javelin or something and I did that basically my wooden stick is like my midlife pitchfork at this point anyway, so cortisone to cortisone shots, laser stretching, heating, physical therapy chiropractor, and I'm like, good to go. I go back to Pilates. I do a couple workouts with my husband's trainer who is scared of me. I think he thinks that like, I'm gonna fall apart because he had worked out with me once before the frozen shoulder thing. So he like thought that he killed me. Anyways, he's treating me like the tin woman, like if I get into like, take a fucking step I'm gonna fall down. So I'm like 90 years old. And his style of training was actually harder for me because it involves like excruciating stretching, the foam roller like, which kills me. And it's also covered in my golden retriever hair, like my dog's hair all over the roller. And he makes me do all these balance exercises in mental fucking gymnastics. I don't play card games. So these balance exercises, like managing him telling me all these auditory commands and they're like, conflicting directions, like stand on one foot core in but not too tight, shoulders out, left gluten gauged and I'm like, Dude, I can only process like, two auditory instructions at a time. So he actually has to, like physically show me what to do. And then like, I look at it. I'm like, Wait, you got to show me one more time. It's really a pretty sight. And my husband's like, God, I hear you like moaning during the workout. What's going on? I'm like, I don't know. I'm doing like weirdo stretching and mental fucking gymnastics like in all some kind of like, old lady mid stretcher workout. Okay, I do want to mention something else. When I mentioned the frozen shoulder saga on Instagram, I got hundreds of messages from you guys. So thoughtful, so amazing. And people were like, oh my god, me too. Oh my god, maybe that's what I have my fucking shoulders killing me or I'm scheduled for surgery for my shoulder. So many of you are quick to offer recommendations. Actually, the physical therapist was from one of you guys. That's why I love this fucking podcast and community so much that I've built on Instagram and with this podcast, it's normalizing inspiring women like I've been saying and like living with this like feeling of like, Oh, my all alone what's happening here, but this podcast has made it so it's like hey, guys, like I have frozen shoulder. Maybe you have a two maybe Joe maybe you know someone who does and you can pass this information along. Or maybe you can give me some info or I can give you some pointers. It's basically saying a lot of this midlife shit this cluster of fog. Look, I don't like to say the word normal because normals like a weird word these days, but it's common. A lot of these midlife cluster forks are common and there are solutions. You just have to be willing to try out a bunch of different things in knock, get frustrated and just give up because sometimes there aren't immediate answers, but you have to keep knocking on doors and turning over stones and being like oh my god, I'm going to try this and I'm not going to give up but I'm going to try that. Anyway, love you guys. So happy you chatted and listen follow my instagram at the flexible neurotic I have a great new website up check it out whole thing is brand new and updated with a new fucking blog. I mean wait you guys see the graphics for the blog and the blog articles. You are going to love them DM me, you know you can always communicate with me. I always respond. I'm in charge of my Instagram. Nobody else sees it for me. And when you're DMing me you're DMing Me me me. Anyway, love you talk soon.