Midlife mountain

Sarah Milken  0:03  

I do think that we get better with time, more experience, more confidence, and more intentional moments.

Hey, peeps, welcome to the flexible neurotic podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Sarah Milken. Yeah, you heard that right. I'm a real PhD doctor. Long, long ago like last fucking year. I was sitting in the midlife pump wondering, was this it for me? That day I realized I needed to get off my ass and start my midlife remix.

I dusted off my PhD wipe the menopause, sweat off my forehead, grabbed my golden shit shovel and started digging deep to all my midlife bitches. It's not just luck, coffee and hormones that get you through your midlife remix. It's action steps. Let's do this. Hi, peeps. Welcome back to the flexible neurotic Podcast. I'm Dr. Sarah Milken, the flexible neurotic coming up on two years. Yeah, two years of the flexible neurotic podcast and my Instagram. Let's call this the pre two year anniversary solo cast. Can you say midlife mountain? Yup. mid life mountain. What is midlife mountain? It's a series of physical psychological and mental changes, hurdles, small wins, big wins, big cries, little cries, menstrual spotting, huge swampy spotting and sweating, lots and lots of sweating, even in places you didn't know existed. If you are listening to this and thinking midlife mountain me too. You're probably a midlife woman, potentially bored. craving a refresh an empty nester or almost one. Ask yourself what's next for me? This can't be it. Me too. I am you. As the lyrics of the songs say I'm not 20 anymore. Don't try to make me feel insecure because I'm aging like wine. I get better with time. Yes, I do. I'm not 20 anymore. The lines on my face. They weren't there before. I'm wiser. I'm stronger from all of the life I've been through. Well, I might have a few fewer wrinkles because of my recent Botox job, but you get the point. Our quote work in midlife Mountain is to dig through our own midlife terrain of midlife mountain, finding our signature gold pieces of ourselves. All of our digs will look different and all of our signature gold will look different. We're all individuals with different stories and different experiences. But that's the beauty of midlife, we get to be who we want to be. And it's not like we have to blend in anymore. It's not fucking high school. This is midlife, we've earned the right to be individuals. If you haven't listened to my minisode go back and listen to quote, still got it. That's the name of the minisode it talks about how we all quote still got it. It is the proverbial it. It could mean anything about you that you once were or enjoyed. We need to ask ourselves questions on the midlife mountain like do I still got it? Who was I before my marriage? My kids my career? Who was I before I was a stay at home mom? Are you the same person and or do you need to rediscover what makes you you in midlife mountain? Who are you at the core? Who were you at the core? What are the key points in your life that molded you? Look as the song says I'm not 20 anymore. I do have more wrinkles. My husband better say that I'm aging like fine wine. In fact, I do think that we get better with time, more experience more confidence, and more intentional moments. Of course my boobs are lower. I have more wrinkles, a muffin top and development bizarre menstruation patterns, strange under boobs, sweating. Midlife, Vijay situations, occasional hairs in the wrong places all the things but after putting in a lot of my own work on me in this midlife self reinvention journey that I'm calling the midlife REMAX or midlife mountain, I'm beginning to feel both more alive in my purpose and calm will come generally speaking, my teenagers would not say calm, but sort of like trying to find this calm in this state of chaos like your body's like what the fuck what's happening today. I feel great. Yesterday I felt disgusting. And you sort of can't predict where you are and all this. I'm scratching what I call my midlife itches. If you're new here the midlife issues is like, what's your next thing for the second half of life? If you've been a follower or listener for a long time, you're very familiar with the midlife edges and climbing and digging the smooth and bumpy midlife terrain of midlife mountain. I'm happy. You're all here and you're doing it with me. It's been two years. That's so fucking crazy. I started when I was 45. I'm now like 47 and a half, there was like six months of like pre thinking podcast time. So here we are, okay, I'm not a skier, or even a good skier. I'm a good enough skier. If you haven't heard me on what I think about good enough on midlife mountain, you need to go back to my many so called muffin tops and good enough. It's not about accepting mediocrity and midlife. It's about reasonable goals. I am not going to be a professional skier. I am not going to have a perfect bikini body, but I'm good enough for me. Every time we go skiing, I wonder if I'm going to remember how they see it's like riding a bike, but it's weird. It doesn't feel like that. I'm like, Why do I not know this well enough. Okay, so I'm not sure if you've skied before, but I'm sure you can just imagine how fun it is putting on tight clothes in freezing weather, ruining your blow dry if you get a blow dry like me with the helmet, being altitude sick, doubting your skills, wondering if you might get whiplash from a giant fall like last time, or whether your husband will comment on how expensive the lunches and how the very pricey skiers buffet that's required. You can't order ala carte annoys the fuck out of him who wants to eat a buffet and then put tight ski boots back on and ski not be okay. Before we get into the bunny hill of my midlife mountain metaphor. I want to say thank you to all of you who have been with me since the beginning. And I want to thank those of you who are new here. Thank you, to those who messaged me tell me they relate and enjoy the podcast. Thank you to the women who take the extra second to like a post and comment on a post. We all know that Instagram is really hard. And it only grows with engagement. It's like a beast. So if you're a drive by Instagram viewer on stories, I'm happy you're here. But I would love for you to please take the extra second to like and comment on posts. It means the world and it helps me grow. That's how the algorithm works. Unfortunately, if you're one of the fab 200, who's written an apple podcast review your fucking honors level. Thank you. I know how annoying technology is especially for midlife braids. That is so helpful for the growth of this podcast. And if you're a subscriber to the podcast, and you're not just listening to episode by episode, you're fucking double honors. I think most podcast listeners don't know that subscription numbers are the gold standard metric of how you're doing. It's not anything extra. You just hit subscribe wherever you listen to my podcast and the new episodes automatically pop up and I get credit with the podcast platforms and they show my podcast to more people. I'm a 47 year old woman who started really small I mean you can't get much smaller than zero Instagram followers a brand new Instagram never having been on Instagram and this was two years ago and I'm building I have been able to do this all because of you. Instagram husband has been helpful of course behind the scenes and begrudgingly doesn't swat the phone out of my hands when I film him in the weighted vest with the dog. So in summary, you're fucking fab and I love you please like the post comment on the post. You don't have to read a fucking essay. Just make a note put a heart make a sentence whatever. Write an apple review, fucking subscribe don't just one off listen, and then I will get the download credit. Come on. I hope that all makes sense. I'm just being honest, per my usual fucking self and continue to share my shit on Instagram and with your friends. That's how we have all gotten to this place in two years. Okay, back to the skiing and midlife mountain. Okay, so skiing and midlife mountain are going to be my metaphors for this minisode I have had the inner midlife hamster minisode muffin tops, blah blah blah. So today's midlife mountain, aka midlife rad and clusterfuck combined pairing menopause, menopause and all the things like raising teenagers. Okay, so ski mountains have different terrains, the green is the easy the bluesy intermediate and the black is for experts and the moguls and what they call the bowls. I don't even know what that is, in my opinion, all of the black shit is for crazy people, especially for mid lifers, the black terrain where you see the black diamond is basically saying it's impossible. And if you're one of those people, I applaud you, I fell off a bike in Hawaii on flat terrain and broke three bones during COVID. So I'm good on bone injuries for now. If you didn't hear that minisode you should go back and listen to thanks Hawaii. That was rad because it takes you through the whole bike incident how I almost divorced my husband because he wanted to switch hotels if we had to stay an extra week for my recovery so that he could use points to pay for the hotel. Meanwhile, he had just bought a new sports car so basically almost divorce. Okay, midlife mountain terrain is characterized in my mind by three things. Number one, the daily climb the shoot we do on the daily number two, some rocky moody are totally blocked and nothing days. And number three, some days are flowy fluffy and creative. Okay, let's get into it. Let's start with number one, the daily climb. This is the general shit that we have to do every day. School drop offs, pickups, shower and exercise are definitely daily optional. But some of us in fact do do those two things every day just depends on you and your time. I wish I could say that I like to exercise every day but I don't. I do just enough to be presentable, not just in how I look but with my blood work with some help from cholesterol lowering medications because I've genetically high cholesterol. I may not do a full shower every day. The core area we're in seems to be sufficient enough for me. I do try to get that in where it's like armpit to waist down and hair is no way that's like a one to twice a week blow dry. I can't deal and lots of fucking dry shampoo. I drink a bottle of water and lemon with a drop of Celtic salt in the morning upon waking. I feel like if I just get that one bottle of water down before the oatmeal on the coffee. It's like I've gotten check one and I use a straw because it makes it fast and it goes down and I'm like Okay, done. Then there's my oatmeal science experiment that you can hear about in the inner midlife hamster episode and my coffee experiment. I drink one packet of athletic greens to cover the veggies. Don't seek vegetables on the daily and savor kale salads. So at least I know I'm getting some veggie powder as part of my midlife daily climb. Okay, let's talk about the bunny hill. The midlife mountain bunny hill I've already peed. My ski pants are tight and my newly forming beginning midlife muffin top is information and starting to creep over my tight waistline of my ski pants. I try to tuck it in and it keeps creeping over my thermal long johns are smashed under my already tight ski clothes brewing a massive yeast infection. That's midlife fun for you. I am not spotting at because I'm 45 not far enough into my own midlife mountain for my perimenopause journey that started 47 When I joined the intermediate midlife mountain, that's the blue diamonds that you see on the mountain. That means intermediate level. That takes a little time, like the time when you go for your 18th anniversary weekend to a beach town in Southern California. And you wear white jeans for the first time in five years and you bleed through them like a middle schooler. Yep, that happened this year. I did not post it on Instagram. I did photograph it though, because I feel like that would have been immediate divorce. We were already going to probably have a sexist week and due to the hazard zone. So I didn't want to throw more fuel into the fire with Instagram husband as I affectionately call him. If you're new here I call Jeremy Instagram husband because he hates Instagram and he only follows me. Okay, in case I get that midlife bunny hill ski pan yeast infection. You know I have the two foot medicine bag with prescription medications and over the counter meds, no problem. I'm prepared for all if you haven't listened to the minisode called no carry on and midlife you should go back and listen. I can't tell you how many DMS I got of people who were like I was on a plane or I was in the supermarket listening and I was laughing out loud and people thought I was crazy. Okay, you might cry and laughter because it talks about the origins of the damn medicine bag and our crazy trip to Africa where I think my husband originated COVID. Just kidding. The bunny hill of the midlife mountain climb is the realization that you can eat a chocolate muffin and Starbucks with real dairy milk and unidentifiable chemicals every day. And you might have to cut it back to once a week or every other week. The midlife bunny Hills also the moment that you realize that your driver's license photo you took last time, where you look like you have not been locked up for a decade without sunlight and green vegetables and some Botox if you do Botox. I'm holding on to that last photo with dear life. It expires this February when I turn 48 Oh my god. Okay. The bunny hill for me personally from a psychological perspective was when I turned 45 Two and a half years ago and I realized that my teenagers didn't need me as much my credit card would suffice. My husband was working to pay for my obsession with Amazon and my PhD from 16 years prior was super fucking dusty and needed a full detailed buff and shine. But what was I going to do with my life? What was next for me the second half of life while would make me feel irrelevant like my kids and personal schooling did for so long. Check, check, check. Performance markers, check, check check. Although the hamster wheel and Groundhog Day of parenting wasn't a blast all the time. And of course, there were boring moments or I can't do this carpool for one more fucking minute, but I still wouldn't have traded it for the world. This leads me to number two of the midlife mountain terrain number one was that all that was involved in the daily climb number two is midlife terrain is some rocky moody or totally blotted nothing days. Okay, those days are alive. Sometimes I'm just like, blah. And then there's other days in between those days where I'm not just blah. I'm cranky and moody as fuck something or someone has sent me off or I'm cleaning up the scavenger hunt have teen daughter and teens on breakfast all over the kitchen. tinson is on a protein and workout bench. So there's dripping teriyaki Tupperware on the counter and it smells because he's heated up in the microwave. And I haven't even had my oatmeal and coffee and I'm smelling Chicken Teriyaki. Okay, and teen daughter doesn't rent out her yogurt and fruit ball and then I rinse it out so that it doesn't fucking congeal and all the things they didn't want their backpacks are dumped on the kitchen island. Then two weeks later, they are like remember that bent pipe cleaner that was near the pencil that was here on this counter? I knew that for a project and I'm like yeah, right. Like I fucking know where that is. And sometimes you know, I'm not pissed off. I'm just in the bylaws. Nothing specific and you guys can probably relate to this do some days in the midlife journey number three of the expected midlife terrain is related to purpose and personal meaning. If I wake up and I'm inspired, slowly pouring over with ideas. I want to work out I want to have sex. Instagram husband is probably listening to this on a walk with the dog and is like one the fact that that happened. Okay. Anyway, I have a million podcast ideas. Instagram doesn't seem like a huge weight on my shoulders, a beast who never sleeps. I'm ready to take on podcast 10x I want to write a book. I want to take myself and the world and every personal challenge and just check check, check, check, check. Then there are the blog days. And I'm not cranky, like number two, just the blahs talking to me is like talking to a blank wall. I'm like Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just not feeling the flow. Sometimes I want to cry. And other times I want to scream. And other times I want to sit in my bed and stare out the window and pretend that I'm meditating. I wonder why am I doing this podcast? Why I'm not spending my days eating frozen yogurt all day and scrolling Instagram and being fit as FOC Okay, the criss cross of the flowy and clunky and cranky days is all part of the midlife train. I think if you're listening to me rant here, you're in the daily midlife climb. I'm in the thick of it. You're here with me. Okay, back to the ski analogy. I convinced Instagram husband to buy me $400 boot heaters? Because midlife has slowed my circulation and my feet fucking phrase. When I say convinced it's our money, but like there's certain things that you just know you're going to Get shit for so like you need to feel like you have a little bit of buy in before you're just like the over the top wife who overspent. So, the boot heaters they were sort of working and like four of my toes weren't frozen, but my pinky toes were still frozen. And they might have fallen off when I took the boots off, and I'm stuffed it into my ski pants with a potentially itchy vagina wondering, Am I getting a yeast infection? I can't tell him I have to pee again. I just don't even know what to say it's midlife. I could ignore my ways being a bit small share and my inner thighs. Had some gentle new dimpling, that when I'm not on a ski trip, I can still blur it a little with tanning cream, but I was not ready for the nice skin lift by plastic surgeons that I was being served on Instagram. Have you guys seen that yet? They can kind of like do a facelift for all that extra need juice and skin that hangs over your knees. I'm like, wow, what can you not fix these days? Okay, in my bunny hill green zone of the midlife mountain analogy. I had to pee a bit more frequently. When midlife started on the bunny hill, my bladder wasn't quite the same as it used to be. It was like 1pm at night. Then it started inching into the two peas at night. Then Instagram husband started saying maybe we need an RV for running errands. I feel like you're always peeing. I won't lie it kind of piqued my interest a little bit not having to use a public restroom. Every single place I go, especially during the pandemic, okay, it's been 15 minutes into my ski pant, bunny slope, use infection for my ski pants and I might mention that I'm no longer wearing the sexy ski pants that are like leggings, and I haven't graduated with the baggy snowboarding pants either or the sexy European one piece romper ski l fit that the hot moms with no bladders where I am in the half tight half loose version with like the velcro expanders on the side. It's kind of like wearing the wedge in shoes. You aren't in high heels. And you aren't in flats either. Yeah, it's a sexy beast. Yep. Okay, from the green buddy, midlife mountain. I graduated intermediate mountain, the blue zone. I am now taking my hormone of choice birth control pills seven days a week, because I don't like the feeling of the placebo days when I don't get my fix of hormones and estrogen, but I'm still not into the midlife bleed or spotting zone which is the intermediate part of the midlife mountain terrain for me the blue diamond runs on this part of midlife mountain. This is the point where my midlife itches amp up 45 years old, and what the fuck am I going to do with my life? Okay, so I hire a life coach. Her name is Carrie rose, and I have an idea for a podcast. You can go back and listen to last year's anniversary episode for the summary of that first year of working the flexible neurotic podcast and Instagram. Not going to take you through that shit again. But it's a fabulous episode, if I say so myself. Okay, so I think a year one I hit around 10,000 followers on Instagram. Even my teen kids were like, Fuck mom, like you really like did it. And I was kind of proud of myself. I didn't even think that was possible. I mean, I remember it was like three followers, 14 followers. 50 followers, like person by person. And if you're in my Instagram, you know that I DM every single person individually who follows me tell them like who I am and what I'm doing. And here's the sample podcast for the week. That's not a bot. That's me. Okay, I had to learn how to post myself without begging for help from my teenagers. I even learned how to make stories and put the cute stickers and captions on them. Who knew that a 45 year old brain could do that? It's basically learn as you go has become one of my themes of this podcast and so many guests have referenced this concept of learning as you go, because you can't know everything and if you wait till you know everything, or you know how to do all the technology or you know how to like use the microphone or whatever it is. You'll never start because there will always be shit you don't know. Okay, that's when you find people who can and will and getting the help that you need. In that time my downloads doubled tripled, it was ranked in the top 1.5% of podcasts with a very high listen through rate. Did you know that Apple knows for how long people listen to each of your episodes. It doesn't say who listen, it just tells you on average listeners how many like the percentage are finishing your podcast. Thank God I have a high listen rate maybe it's my like deep voice and my horrific laugh that keeps you guys here. You guys are doing really well on the listening a plus, most of you are finishing the episodes. In fact, who knew there were so many fucking matte tracks. If you don't ski and the ski analogy doesn't vibe with you think of it as a hike in freezing fucking conditions, with three pairs of workout leggings giving you cameltoe on a hike with hiking boots that chafe and squeeze and it's cold outside and your toes are numb. It's pretty much like skiing. Yes, ski trips are privileged. I'm acknowledging that. But when you suck at skiing, and you don't learn till you're 35 and everyone else in your family is like in the ski at Olympics, the privilege ski trip in my mind could be exchanged for beach vacation as long as I don't have to wear a bikini or get my hair wet and I have time for a spray tan before we leave. Okay, in this intermediate blue midlife mountain, I approach the second year of this podcast and Instagram, hundreds of messages a day from women loving the podcast relating to the podcast and sharing their lives with me. I literally respond to every single person who messages me I create that point of connection. Because it's important to me. I would rather have fewer really engaged listeners that have like a bazillion who don't really even fucking know me or care. Okay. Oh my God, I am flattered. I moved. I have found my groove then impostor syndrome kicks in. Wait, is this really happening? Am I getting these guests myself with random DMS like cold DMS to these people? Am I writing these podcasts and interviewing these amazing people? Then Jennifer Fisher says yes, and the episode went even more bonkers. And if you haven't listened to the zero Fox episode with Jennifer Fisher, it's two parts. Go into your midlife homework and listen, she's rad. You may not be able to do or want to do all of her food stuff, but she's so fucking cool to listen to such a badass. Take what you want and need from it. Okay, as I wrap up some midlife mountain shit for us. I want to get back to the concept of work. Its quote, work for a second as Elle Woods Reese Witherspoon said in Legally Blonde. What like it's hard. My response is I say midlife is work. Midlife is work. I feel you. Yes, midlife is hard. It's really hard. Since I started my midlife remix journey, not crisis two years ago, I have been hearing these phrases, quote, do the work. And in quotations doing the work, I wasn't really sure what those seemingly vague terms meant. Then I dive deeper into my midlife remix dive. I have a life coach of talking about all these really deep things. And then I realized that the work and quotation marks can mean a lot of things to a lot of different people. I know from all of your DMS you're ready to do the hard work for the important things in your midlife or you've already started. For me, it has meant not just taking life with a grain of salt and like going through the motions. We all have the going through the motions shit and the fucking hamster wheel that keeps on spinning. It has meant the work has meant doing the work and how to be a parent, a better parent, a better wife, a better friend, and pretty much better at everything. Finding a spiritual practice whatever it is, but not quote better as a comparison to anyone else except to me. Again, high school is over. We can all live in our own lanes and do our own shit. What work could I do to better my midlife and my midlife experiences for me, my relationships with my kids. My relationship with my husband, it is meant that doing the personal quote, inner work is essential for my personal growth. I started to ask myself tough questions until I started finding some answers to my important personal questions. And that's what I've been doing with this podcast. I'm interviewing people to find my fucking answers for you, for me, for all of us. And these are the still got questions that I talked about at the beginning of this rant. questions like Who was I in the past? Who am I now?

What did I used to like to do? What do I like to do now? What is my spiritual practice of finding calm when I feel chaotic? EQ, what exercise and nutrition do I need to maximize my mid life and late life? All the answers to these questions involve taking personal responsibility. No one can fucking do the work for us. Believe me. I've tried, I secretly hoped that my husband would find something for me to do in the second half of life. I never asked him that, but like, I really like thought, Oh, he's a successful businessman. He'll think of something for me, but it's on his job. And as you know, I looked at Nordstrom and Amazon wasn't available there. I had to do the fucking work. And I know so many of you are doing it too because you message me you tell me in my most recent podcast episode called everyday midlife with Bobby Brown. Yes, fucking pinch me. Bobby Brown makeup guru entrepreneurs said yes to me. In a DM to be on my podcast. What the fuck? We chatted about things in life that require hard work. We basically talked about a quote a life worth living is hard work. Everything in midlife is hard raising kids being a wife being a friend running a business. It's all hard, but it's worth it. What are you ready to work on? What are you already working on? What is important to you? What things in your midlife? Do you want to be great? The bottom line from midlife mountain, my midlife mountain midlife green next journey is that we need to be forever learners on midlife mountain. personal curiosity, personal forgiveness and grace. I handheld fan. Really good air conditioning, rest, walks, sunlight, water, a few good friends weight workouts for bone density, some fad language for the daily midlife clusters and most critically love for ourselves. Midlife self obsession is not selfish. It's a time to choose you again. Do you not judge others? And I love you all. Thanks for being on my two year midlife mountain journey with me. The journey continues. There are three ish months left of 2022 you can still start choosing you if you haven't started yet. I love you, talk soon.