It’s Time To Do *You* In Midlife
Get out those golden sh*t shovels, ladies! I’m going to dive deep into some of the reflections I’m having about my hilarious conversation with Ashley and Mandy on the Funny Girl’s Guide Podcast. It was so good to talk to other women who are stepping out of their comfort zone, being bold and hilarious, and remixing midlife on their terms.
Our conversation got around to the topic of really doing “you” in the second half of life. We talk a lot on The Flexible Neurotic about what that looks like and my episode with Eve Rodsky has got some gold for that, but I want to spell out some things for you today that will help you scratch those midlife itchies and drop the bullsh*t fear of being judged.
The Peanut Gallery
Remember the feeling you get when you’re so excited about a new idea or project? You can picture it in your mind and it feels so energizing and inspiring. You’re getting all of the secret sauce downloads from the universe that says, “I can do this. This is what I want to do.”
Now think about what happens when you share your idea with that friend or family member that thinks they know you so well… those people in your life that depend on you to be a certain way. They remind you of how hard it’s going to be, what it might mean for the kids, how much it’ll cost… blah blah blah. I’m not saying we shouldn’t think about the practical aspects of bringing our dreams to life…but sometimes, we just want support and all we get are opinions and fears.
Those opinions, voices, and people are what I like to call “the peanut gallery.” They may love you and care about you, but behind that love, there’s something else that they’re not owning up to…their own fear. They’re afraid of what it will mean to them if you change. They’re scared of how it might hurt you if you fail. They’re afraid of how it might sting if you find the courage to go after what you want, while they’re still waiting for permission from their own peanut gallery.
how do I deal with the peanut gallery?
Take heart in the fact that what people say and think has way more to do with them than it does with you. It’s not up to you to live up to everyone else’s expectations. It’s also not your job to help people own up to their insecurities and fears that they project on you. Let them talk. You don’t have to take anything that they say as law.
Don’t share new ideas and inspirations with people who can’t add to your vision. When a new seed is planted, it needs a lot of water and sun to grow. Find the people who will be that water and sun for your creative ideas. Share those ideas with the peanut gallery when they feel more secure, not while they’ve just been planted.
Check the peanut gallery in your head. Is that your own voice talking you out of your midlife remix goals or is it your disapproving mother or your judgemental family? Get clear on who’s doing the talking with all of that mental chatter. Don’t crush your dreams before you even get started.
Judgement-Free Zone
Some moms pull up to the carpool with a full face of makeup & some pull up in cozy sweatpants and a messy bun. At the end of the day, you’ve got to do you! It starts with those little things you think you need permission to do like wearing the clothes you want to wear or taking a nap if you need it. Then it builds up to starting a podcast in your mid-forties with no experience and no following! It’s not rocket science, but you do have to overcome your fear of being judged.
So, how do I release all these judgments that are holding me back?
Look at who you’re judging. It’s the golden rule, folks! Are you wasting your time judging every mom in the carpool line or every selfie that pops up in your Instagram feed? If that sounds like you, chances are you’re probably not being too kind to yourself either. Notice how you talk and think about others. How generous can you be when people make mistakes? How much do you encourage your family and friends to try new things? If you want that free space, you have to create it!
Start telling the truth! It’s so liberating to just be real. Stop pretending you’re okay when you’re not. Stop acting like it’s perfect genes when it’s a facelift. Stop buzzing around like you have your sh*t together when you need to stop and have a good cry. Part of doing “you” in midlife is being as messy and honest as you can be so that you can actually move forward in a way that’s authentic. That’s where real confidence comes from.
I hope you’re feeling inspired to let go of the noisy peanut gallery and start listening to yourself. If you want to dive deeper into doing you, check out my solo episode about being my own “why” in midlife and my blog, “Midlife Self Obsession Is Approved.” Go after your midlife remix with more confidence, chill, and laughter, and kiss those judgments goodbye!
